My Jesus Saves.

Lately, I've been struggling with a lot of extra baggage that I've been carrying. I've been poked and prodded and pricked with labels of this world that I let stick to me. And I've been living without joy, and instead with fear, sadness, guilt and shame.

But the other night, my mom asked me what was wrong, and I just broke down. We talked and I had to do a lot of renewal in my mind; had to get rid of a lot of old patterns. And then, we prayed, and my mom prayed for me.

I asked Jesus to forgive me; I asked that He'd take the weight from my back and carry it, because I couldn't anymore. And I just cried that He would heal me. It's hard, it's so hard to feel His forgiveness, but if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us. And I know I am forgiven, it's just the shame that I struggle with.

It's the letting go that's the hardest part.

We know that if we ask Jesus to come into our lives and to clean us, then there's no holding onto past shames. There's no guilt. There is only freedom in Christ Jesus. But part of our human nature wants to cling to that old stuff--we want to hold onto what's gone because then we have excuses. We can wallow in self-pity, and even get lost in shame.

But that's not life! That's not life at all. Jesus died on the cross to take away your sins that you could live gloriously for Him, and live forever with Him. There's no glorious living when you're holding onto what's already been forgiven; there's no joy in that heartache. What's the point in holding onto it? Why can't we let it go?

It's the hardest part. And it's something that I struggle with. I know that my sins are forgiven and that by the blood of my Savior I am washed white as snow. Yet I still cling to what He's already cleansed me of; because part of me doesn't want to let it go.

Because part of me is afraid of living for Him. Part of me is afraid of letting it go.

Living for Christ is not just a one time thing. As my mom said, "Faith is a day by day, moment by moment, sometimes breath by breath decision to look beyond the current reality and to cling to something greater.”

And it's true. Looking beyond the current reality; even if we're forgiven, we can still hold onto the guilt from the sins. But no more. There is no life in that. To cling to something greater; not to our shame, but to our Savior.

He makes life all worth it.

So today, I'm choosing to know that I am forgiven. I'm choosing to cling to something greater. I'm choosing to live a life for my Savior. It's like the song, You Are More, by Tenth Avenue North.

There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You've been remade
You've been remade.
You've been remade.
You've been remade.

And I have. In Christ, I am a new person.

And I am free. Free to live vividly for Him.

Free.

My God is so good. And it makes me feel overwhelmed at times. Praising Jesus today and everyday. Because He is good, and powerful, and holy, and merciful, and just, and wise, and perfect.

And loving. So very loving.

My Jesus saves.