Friday, March 30, 2012

words that hurt me :: a letter to my sister.


Dear Grace,

First of all, I want to say that I love you. You are a beautiful, strong, loving girl who is swiftly growing up. I admire your tenacity, encourage your spirit, and am blessed by your heart. The way you care for your family is beautiful and the depth of your love is apparent for all to see. You are a hard-worker, diligent, and just a little bit stubborn. I love the freckles on your nose and the way you dance and how you like to do search-and-finds and crosswords. You are a smart, pretty, talented, kind girl, who I love very much.

But this world is cruel. There will come a day when you will feel dissatisfaction. How I wish that there was something I could do to stop it from ever hurting your heart! You will look in the mirror and wish to be thinner, wish to be curvier, wish to have a straighter nose, wish to have thicker hair, wish to have bluer eyes, wish to have less freckles, wish to be taller, wish to be shorter, wish to have a smaller jaw, wish to have thicker brows, wish for this wish for that, wish.

I want to tell you to stop. Words that hurt me are words that say, you are fat, or you are ugly, or you are not worth it. Words that hurt me are words that tell you that you are not good enough, that you are not smart enough, that you are not talented enough. Words that hurt me are words that say you are not enough.

I wish desperately that I had been a better example to you. I'm praying that I daily would be. I don't want to let self-doubt percolate down to you. I want you to avoid being concerned about weight and your face and whatever. I want you to know deeply, truly, and passionately that your worth is not in your weight, hair, height, talents, intellect, possessions, popularity, wealth -- that your worth is in Jesus. Your identity is in Jesus. He says you are beautiful. Every hair on your head he knows, every freckle dappling your face are marks of His fingerprints.

Gracie girl, I don't want you to ever let anyone squash your dreams or quench your spirit. I love the way you love the Lord and desire to know Him deeply. Let that be your driving force. Words that hurt me are words that put you in a box and tell you that your only value is in the things of this world. That is a lie and I don't want you to ever have to fall prey to those thoughts.

My sweet Grace, I am so blessed to be your sister. Please know intrinsically that your identity is in Christ. Please know deeply that you are loved with a love that surpasses all understanding. Please know that you are forgiven, loved, redeemed, precious, blessed, and made whole because of Jesus. Please know that your inner beauty matters more than your outer, and that a woman in love with the Lord has a beauty that the world cannot even hope to touch.

Words that hurt me are words that say you aren't enough. But you ARE enough -- because of Jesus. Cling to that when life gets hard and your heart gets hurt and you feel as if you can't go on for whatever reason. He is enough, and He has said that you are enough because you are His.

I love you so much.

Hannah

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

windblown

There are some moments I like to call remember me moments. They're ordinary, simple, everyday occurrences that for some reason, stick in your brain become something special. Moments like the the way the steam curled around your coffee as you clutched the cup with cold fingers, or how you said the same thing as someone else and both started laughing because of it.

I had a remember me moment yesterday. Sam woke up from his nap, his eyes tired and hair hot, and as I picked him up, he nestled his head in my shoulder and I rocked him. For a few minutes, he was just content to be there, just resting in my arms. I closed my eyes and rubbed his back and fiercely told myself, "you remember this. remember this when he is tall and grown up and the minutes when he was the baby are just dusty memories. you remember this."

Last night was another one. The day turned to dusk before our eyes, and Caleb and I stood outside in the wind, with the world flying around us. Just a regular old Tuesday. We ran around the backyard like crazy, grinning and laughing (always, laughing). And I felt that tug in my heart and thought again, "remember this." Someday this freckly faced boy will be a man. And I want to remember him always as he was, and at the same time, embrace who he's becoming. Remember this. This is my crazy boy, who eats spaghetti silly, who creates the most creative lego sets, who has the most incredible memory, and who is him. Caleb. My brother.

A boy who I love very much.

xo














Monday, March 26, 2012

rain watching







here is what they don't tell you about rain
it slips under your skin and
whispers memories through the
smell of sky crying
simultaneously evoking tears and laughter
while thunder cracks and you shake under
the weight of the river slowly
swirling in eddies in the mud,
in the end, it's just ice that's melting
the past that is present again in
one drop, paper thin on your skin
like faces smiling before the sun
breaking through clouds soft.
hannah nicole


Rain is contemplative with an underlying tone of melancholy seeping into earth. As soon as the first drops start falling, I want to curl up with a blanket and sit next to the window to watch the sky cry. I find myself mulling over the intricacies of simple things and wondering about life and why we take so many things for granted. Breezes wrack trees like little girls shaking out their hair and rain splashes surfaces wet, while I'm sitting inside, sipping chai and listening to My Head is an Animal over and over again. Flowers bud hesitantly while grass stretches awake from a season of sleep, uncurling from under their blankets of snow. And life keeps going and people keep living and rain falls.


It's a beautiful day to be alive.

Friday, March 23, 2012

be still



I've been thinking about quiet lately, and how much my heart desperately needs it. We live in a culture that is constantly shouting at us. Messages coming from every where -- good, bad, in between, just plain clutter -- all sorts of noise sinking in. We live this life of sounds and accept the consumption. We hear things and see things and read things and watch things and wonder about things and ignore our need for quiet.
"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10a
In the Message translation, it says this: Attention, all! See the marvels of God! He plants flowers and trees all over the earth, Bans war from pole to pole, breaks all the weapons across his knee. "Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything." Step OUT of traffic. Take a long, loving look at Him.

I know that when I pray, oftentimes, my prayer time is spent mostly in petition and praise, but not much listening. Being still and quiet is hard for me, because my mind is always racing to what's next. I'm always thinking ahead and overanalyzing and wondering and turning a thought or idea around or mulling over something I heard/saw/read.

Be still. Step out of the traffic.

It's so hard.

Above everything. Stop, be still, and take a long loving look at God. Intimately know Him. Not just know who He is, but believe it too. Believe Him and deeply and truly KNOW Him. Intentionally take time to be still, to step away from the clutter and chaos and confusion, and say, "Here I am Lord. I want to see your face." This above everything else.

I'm so distracted by the noise everywhere -- internet, social media, friends, books, movies, family, events, etc., -- that I rarely take time to be truly still. To listen and know and believe with every fiber of my body, and to simply be quiet.I've been rushing around in the fast-paced world, praying and talking to God without waiting for an answer, wondering why I'm not hearing from Him. I haven't taken time to seek His face, to step away and genuinely seek Him.

Being still. Intentionally quiet. Disciplined. Simply listening. This is my prayer for myself. My heart needs quiet -- it craves a personal, impactful, intimate relationship with Christ. And I need to take time to cultivate it. I cannot expect to hear God if I don't cut out the clutter and step away from the noise. If I stood in a crowd, all screaming, how could I assume that I'd hear a friend whisper my name across the room?

I want to step out of traffic and take a long loving look at Him. I want to seek His face not because I feel like I need to, but because I want to -- because I love Him and desire a relationship with Him more than anything else. I want to cut out the clutter, turn off the noise, and hear Him. When He speaks, it's a powerful thing. And I don't want to miss because I'm racing ahead or not listening. I want to be in step with Him, fully aware, walking and loving and listening.

When I'm truly still and quiet, my heart is blessed,
my soul is rejuvenated,
and my spirit is full.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

5 things I've learned about blogging.

First of all...I've been so blessed by the comments, likes, and messages on my last post. Thank you all so much for being excited for me and sharing my joy! I can't wait to see where this journey takes me and like I said, I'm jumping right on in. You're all the best. :) I have so much more to say, but for now, here's a scheduled post to share. Enjoy! x

Prodded by some frequent questions on formspring, I've decided to compile a list of ten things that I've learned while blogging. This is in no way an exhausting list, but rather a little summary of the good + the bad + the ugly.

1. Fill the well.

Sometimes you'll be flying high on a breeze and writing words faster or shooting photos quicker than I could say dontchya know. Your blog will flourish and you'll find yourself wondering why you ever thought it was hard to write. And then..there will be those times when you can practically hear crickets chirping or the Jeopardy theme song (take your pick) playing in the background. You'll find yourself sitting there without anything to say. And that's okay. Instead of trying to force a post, take a break and refill the well. Go do something you love. Take some photos, read a book, watch a movie that makes you cry, go for a walk, bake a cake, journey to an art museum, journal, get out of the house -- whatever. Go live your life and be inspired by that. Then come back and share what makes you tick, and tell us why you love it.

2. Know your niche.

Before you even start writing, figure out why you're writing. Are you a photographer? Do you love to cook? Is your life your inspiration? Are you gluten free? Do you share your outfits? Is one of your passions crafting? Figure out what your blog is going to be about before you start writing. Clearly define your blog's purpose and core message and build everything off of that. For me, my blog is a journal of the simple and messy beautiful things in life.

3. Consistent quality over quick quantity.

This may be the most difficult thing that I've learned. It's so easy to go a day, or two, or maybe even three without writing...until you realize that a week has passed and your blog is dying from lack of words. It's difficult to write everyday (cheers if you can!), much less come up with compelling content on a weekly basis. I try to post 3-4 times a week. This enables me to keep my blog fresh while still having enough time to write something that isn't just rambles. Words that are just words don't have any meaning. Make sure everything you share has a purpose. A post for the sake of posting isn't worth the time -- yours, or your readers. (I learned this the hard way)

4. Care more about the commenters, not the comments.

I'll just preface this by saying that every blogger goes through this. We'd like more pageviews, more comments, more followers, more subscribers, more likes, whatever. None of those things are bad, but our attitude towards them matter. Stop looking at the number of comments and instead, look at the people who comment. I'm so grateful for every person who takes time to write me a little note -- I can't tell you how many times my day is brightened by some sweet words left on a recent post. So in turn, share the love and go comment on someone else's site. It's about connections, not stats. Build friendships, not a fortress.

5. Comparison is the death of contentment.

There will always be someone who has a bigger blog than you. Accept that and move on. Stop comparing your blog, your photos, your words, your life, with someone else's. You have a story to share, a voice that is uniquely your own, and a blog that can't be written but anyone but you. Embrace that and write about what you love -- stop comparing and start sharing your life.

What's one of the best things you've learned about blogging?

Monday, March 19, 2012

Hannah Nicole


I've got this dream that is becoming a reality. God is opening so many doors and has blessed so many opportunities, that I'm overwhelmed (and incredibly humbled) at where I'm going, and how. I don't have some story about how I've been snapping photos since I was three, but I do know that photography is where my heart is. Even more than that, I know deeper than earth that it's what I was meant to do.

I remember vividly while taking Tom and Camila's engagement photos how I felt. I stood there and was overwhelmed at how right it was -- like I had finally discovered what I was made to do. To try to make a cliche phrase less trite, it was as if I was slipping into my own skin and embracing who I truly am. There was a surety, a sense of rediscovery, and an uncontrollable excitement. Even more than that, there was joy. Even now, as I write this, I remember how alive I felt. I'm going to be all cheesy and say it through a quote, because it sums it up almost perfectly:
"Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman
That's how it was for me! It was exhilarating and exciting and joy-filled and crazy and nerve-wracking (in a good way!) and beautiful (okay, getting sappy here, but gotta say it) all at once. I knew at that very moment that I was where I was supposed to be. I had just barely dipped my toes into the world of photography and after that, was ready to cannonball in (because I've never been able to dive, and hey, it's more fun to make a big splash). Since then, I've been praying and journaling and drafting and shooting and designing and branding and preparing like crazy.

Where does this leave me? Semi-longish-kinda-short story even shorter, I'm launching my business (my baby!) and am ready to begin. What I'm trying to say, through my fumbling words and run-on sentences, is that I love where I'm at, I love where I'm going, and I'm finally calling myself a photographer. For real. :)

Sooo...I'm asking if you'll take a moment and like Hannah Nicole on facebook, and maybe share it with your friends. I would be blessed and grateful!

More coming soon! For now, just a little of my story and the beginning of this next season. To say I'm excited would be putting it mildly. :)

xo and all that jazz --
Hannah

Friday, March 16, 2012

spring break thankful thoughts

























grateful for...
golden hour // little boys in jammies // sammy kisses // the hope of rain // warm weather // bare feet in grass // the smell of spring // a healthy family // fresh fruit and veggies // running in the early morning // friends who email, skype, write, and get-together // work // gluten free goodness //and the unfailing love and faithfulness of Christ

This week has been a good one. Spring break has treated us well, and the weather couldn't have made the past few days more perfect. Picnics and walks to the park, dinner on the deck, running outside in the early morning, an abundance of free time, and the promise of spring. It's been positively sunny, in more ways than one. Stars shone brighter in the cool night, and sun burned warmer in the day. I heard birds and sunk my feet into damp ground and watched the sun sink. We've baked desserts reminiscent of lazy summer days and threw on shorts and t-shirts and opened windows wide. It's been wonderful. Happy Friday! xo