Friday, May 28, 2010

Overwhelmed by His Love

Sometimes I feel passive in my walk with the Lord. It's as if the spark that was burning was reduced to embers--mere remnants of what once was, with not much hope for them to burst again into flames. A sad, sweet sort of memory, that you long towards, but don't know how to re-alight. One that lingers in the air and tempts you, but it's as if it's become the very smoke--beautiful, changing, yet unattainable.

And then there are times when I feel so passionate. When my entire being is caught up in longing and aching. Where I'll cry just out of the enormity of it all. Looking at how minuscule we are, and how great our sins are, you just feel like garbage. Dirty, stained and broken. As if there is no way for redemption.

In the times where I feel like I want to crawl into a hole because I'm so disgusted and disappointed and engulfed by the weight of sin--in the times where I cannot find my worth--in the times where I am down, beaten and out...that's when I need to cling to Jesus.

When I cling to Him, there's such a peace. There's such an overwhelming, beautiful, consuming love that  just surrounds me. I become caught up in this marvelous, amazing, breathtaking love of my Savior.

And there's forgiveness. To know that no matter what I've done, no matter how great my sin, no matter how impure and putrid I am, if I come to Jesus and ask Him to forgive me, then I'm white as snow again. My sins cannot mark me--they cannot stain me--they cannot change me. They cannot tell me that I am someone whom I'm not. They cannot name me. Only Jesus has that power.

For in God, I am a new creation. A new creation that is totally, deeply, and passionately in love with my God.

And I'm definitely okay with that.

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