Saturday, May 8, 2010

My name is Hannah...and I'm okay with that

Funny title? Maybe. But it's something I've come to realize lately. Something that in my own life, I've begun to find out that it's okay.

There is so much pressure put on a person to be original. And then there is a magnitude of other factors thrown into the mix. You have to be smart, being beautiful is a good idea, you might want to be talented if you have the time, and creativity is in order. Coupled with all of this, originality seems to be far, few and in between.

I may admire someone's writing style--I may love another's photography genius. I may be entranced by someone's posting-patterns and love their way of words. The list goes on and on. And soon, I can try to do it the way they do. I can change how I post, how I write, how I photograph, draw, speak, etc., in order to be like that person. But even if I tried my hardest, even if I spent countless hours of time in changing myself to be that person, it wouldn't work. Because in the end, that person is them. And I’m me.

We may share similarities. We could have the same quirks. Maybe our styles are even alike. But if I try to become the person whom I admire, then I become false. Hollow. There is no way for me to find out who my God-give self is and embrace it if I'm trying to conform to another person's character.

The journey of self-discovery is one that every person will end up taking. Some in a roundabout way, others more straightforward, and then some in between. But our person--the real person that we have been formed to be--that person is found in God.

It's something that I've begun to find has been present in my life. My identity is only rooted when in Christ. And in Him, I can truly begin to find out who I am and who I was made to be.

There is a blessed freedom in knowing that God held me in His hands and tenderly and lovingly created me. There is a peace that comes with finally grasping that Jesus has a plan for me.

Psalm 139:13-14
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

I will praise my God because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

There is a point when we think we have it all figured out--when we imagine that we've truly found ourselves. But I've found that I've been hiding. I've been waiting for God to show me who I am, instead of actively searching and looking in Him to find it. 

I love this video because it really shows what I, in my fumbling words, am trying to say. God has created me with a path, and a purpose, and I was created with love. I was created as God's masterpiece. But I cannot be someone else. And I cannot hold onto something that will hinder me. It's a conscious decision of instead of trying to mold myself, to let God mold me.

I cannot see myself as God does. The only way to begin to glimpse my God-given self is by letting go of the things of this earth and start holding onto Jesus. In Him, I can find who I truly am and embrace that person.

I may not be the smartest, most talented, the prettiest, skinniest, most creative, wisest, or the funniest--but I'm me. I am a creation formed by the maker of the entire Universe. The God of all things, made and formed me.

And you know what. I'm okay with that. In fact, I actually like it.

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