and it's days like today that i really miss ballet.
my heart hurts sometimes.
okay, a lot of the times.
i miss it so much.
i can't listen to the nutcracker without crying.
every beat, every note, every strain of the music...i know intricately what part of the ballet is going on. and what i would be doing.
plie, pirouette, arabesque, rond de jambe, pique tendu, grande battement, port de bras, fouette, and entrechat.
the big finale, a final grande jete!
ah.
ah.
ah.
i miss it so much.
this is not eloquent, this is not beautiful, this is not poetic, but it is honest.
my heart is tied with ribbons and the smell of sweaty practice rooms.
my feet are bent and broken and my knees still hurt when i run.
my soul is threaded with the sound of classical music and my instructor's voices --
the counts, five six seven eight --
pointe.
i'm praying about possibly going back (not to perform) but to perform for myself. i would appreciate much prayer. like, very very very much prayer. i can't give it up. as cheesy as it is...you can take the dancer out of the studio but you cannot take the ballet out of the dancer.
i love it.
and miss it.
lots.
and today, especially during nutcracker season, is very very very hard.
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