JOY in waiting.

If you've been following me for a bit, you'll probably remember the post I wrote back in the end of July, Packing them away until later (if not, I would encourage you to read it -- gives a glimpse into what I'm talking about here.)

In the post, I wrote about how I was ready to buy my DSLR, my beautiful someday-to-be camera. But to quote directly, I said,

And then God told me no.

It was in the finalization stages, contacting the amazon seller and seeing what he was bundling with the camera. And I felt that nudge. A prickle that I couldn't shake. Something on my shoulder that just stuck. I ended up not going with that camera, and started looking at craigslist...but then...

...I still couldn't get rid of that feeling that this wasn't the way to go. I knew that I was being told to wait. That it wasn't the right time. That I had to put aside my timing and instead go by His. But I didn't want to. I fought against it--oh, did I fight. I struggled with it and argued and tried to justify buying it.

But in the end, I just couldn't go with it. I know that I'm not supposed to buy my camera right now, even though I could. It's frustrating but I have to trust that His timing is better than mine.

Because ultimately, it is.

In the post, I said that I would wait another month, another six months, another year -- as long as He wanted me to wait to get the camera. Since then, I've been waiting four months, something that in June, if I knew I'd still be waiting come November, I'd be pretty upset and definitely confused.

Don't you want me to have the camera? I might have asked. Lord, why do I still have to wait? I don't want to wait any longer.

But right now, I'm glad that I'm still waiting.

Yes, you read that right. I'm glad that I'm waiting. God's teaching me patience, and He's teaching me to stay

joyful

in the midst of waiting. He's preparing me for someday, and He's giving me hope for today. I might not always feel glad that I'm waiting, but as the days pass, I'm starting to feel this peace and acceptance from Christ.

It's hard, and sometimes, I want to grumble. Sometimes I get stuck wanting to complain and wanting to ask why I have to wait. Sometimes I have trouble being grateful for the camera I do have, and for all the numerous blessings that I have been given. But I'm working on that. My Savior's working on my heart, and I'm praying that He'll give me a spirit of gratefulness and joy.

Jesus, thank you for my camera! is a prayer that I pray. I'm thanking Him for the camera I have now...and the one I'll have someday.

It's hard waiting. I'm blessed that I have a camera to take photos with, but I do feel sad when I can't take a photo of something because my point and shoot simply can't do it. When I want to take a photo of my siblings playing, but can't because the shutter speed is too slow. Or when I want to take a close up photo (or I guess I should say, macro) but the lighting is too poor. I could point out numerous examples when I've complained and felt bad because I can't save a memory.

But my dad pointed something out to me.

"There will always be more memories."

Sure, I may not have got the perfect photo during Brennan's birthday, but I did get a couple good shots...even if they are blurry. Maybe my picture won't be celebrated for having the best colors, tones, crispness, sharpness, focus, quality, bokeh...but I still have the photo.

Even when I'm sad about losing a moment I wanted to keep, I can think back to what my dad said.

There will always be more memories.

I can allow myself to feel like upset about not being able to take the photo...and then let that go. I can be upset but I will turn that into GRATEFULNESS for what I do have now.

For now, I'm going to celebrate the memories that I've taken in the past and that I have today. They may not be perfect, but they're mine, and somehow, I have them. Because of being there, ready to take the photo.

Which brings me to something else...it sounds funny, but I'm so glad that instead of receiving a DSLR, I first was blessed with a point and shoot. It's something that only lately I've come to realize, but the truth of it is beginning to permeate through my mind when I start feeling ungrateful.

If I hadn't first been blessed with a point and shoot, then I wouldn't have some of the photos that I've taken that I love.

Sure, I might have better photos, but I wouldn't have the ones I have now. And to look back at my albums and go, "I love that one." or, "oh!" makes me feel so grateful.

Something that truly blessed me is that I've learned so much about photography with my point and shoot! In fact, I've even learned about DSLR's...even though I don't have one. I still have so much to learn, but my photography would not be where it is right now if I hadn't been originally blessed with a point and shoot.

And for that, I'm grateful.

I'm hoping to have my dslr by Christmas, but if not, that's okay. I'll keep on waiting till God says, "Go." His timing is so much better than mine and He still has so much to teach me. I'm excited to see His plan for me unfold moment by moment, day by day, month by month, year by year. I'm starting to feel that the Lord is getting ready to say, "go!" and to surprise me. But until then, I'll wait.

And I'll stay grateful for today and what I have been blessed with.

My Jesus is so good. Grateful for all of you today -- praying that you would all have a beautiful, blessed week. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving! Ending on a final note; if you ever check out Bible Gateway then you'll know that they have a verse of the day. I went there to find a scripture to end with and saw that this was the verse they put up for today...

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.”- Colossians 3:15

I feel like yelling, "Amen!" Is it a coincidence? I don't think so. Our God is so good and so big and so powerful. He's telling me exactly what I need to hear and surprising me. I am grateful. I'm now realizing that that's my new phrase for this season of life. I'm known to say, life is sweet but right now, I'll proclaim what my mom is known to write often.

I'm grateful.