Full of beauty. Full of newness. Full of grace. Full of hard things. Full of joy. Full of tears (I cried a lot). Full of laughter (I laughed a lot). Full of traveling. Full of goodbyes and hellos. Full of new things. Full of beginnings and endings. Full of dreams. Full of disappointments. Full of excitement. Full of plans. Full of food (so much food). Full of early mornings and late nights and sunrises. Full of bittersweet moments and sweet memories. Full of heartbreak (yes). Full of healing. Full of redemption. Full of wonder.
2012 was also a year of firsts.
First wedding I shot.
First "official" year of business.
First time flying by myself.
First time in seven years without ballet.
First summer trips by myself.
First website.
First "big" camera purchase.
First time making a short film.
First blog meet-ups with people who are now some of my dearest friends.
First year as an official member of the worship team.
First summer I felt a little bit "grown-up."
I tried to write down resolutions, but I kept coming back to three things. Throughout this sickness for the past few weeks, God has been doing good things in my heart and I've been extremely blessed by the truths and promises He's given me. One of the nice things of being sick is having ample quiet time to read and reflect. I've read through Ephesians and Galatians and journaled truths that have been on my heart not only in the past weeks, but this entire year. Some of my favorite words from Ephesians (in the Message translation)...
"...He takes us to the high places to blessing in Him."
"He wanted us to enter into the celebration of His lavish gift-giving by the Word of His beloved Son."
"It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for."
"He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join Him in the work He does, the good work He has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing."
"Live full lives, full in the fullness of God."
"I want you to get out there and walk -- better yet, run! -- on the road God called you to travel!...And mark that you do this in the humility and discipline -- not in fits and starts but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences."
"Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly, what God does is love you. Keep company with Him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us, but to give everything of Himself to us. Love like that."
"So watch you step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get!"
2012 has been a year that God has shown His faithfulness. I have tasted His goodness and have been overwhelmed with who He is. I look back through my journals from this year and I love seeing how the Lord used instances that were so difficult and painful to walk through to deepen my faith, change my heart, and strengthen who I am. Beauty from brokenness, making my wilderness like Eden. (there is such comfort for my heart in that truth!)
"For the Lord comforts Zion; he comforts all her waste places and makes her wilderness like Eden, her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the voice of song." - Isaiah 51:3
This year has been a year of rawness. Of honesty, of changes, of finding out what makes my heart tick. And there has been so much joy, but there has also been grief. And like every year, every day, this year has been a lesson in learning to let go. Not only just letting go, but in the discovery that when do, we can live with open hands to receive greater things.
John 10:10 has been on my heart daily for the past few months. "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I [Jesus] came that they may have life and have it abundantly." And 2012 has been an example of that. I have not only tasted God's goodness, but I have experienced it and have experienced a fullness of life that comes only from Christ. I love that Jesus says He came to not just give life, but abundant life.
This past year, I've done more than I could have imagined, I've traveled farther than I could have dreamed, and I've met so many people who have become some of my closest and dearest friends. Some of my favorite memories include night swimming at Bemidji, that one time on the dock with the sky so blue and so wide at Woodland, the first sight of Texas on the plane, seeing Caleb's joy at Duluth, the crazy wonderful days in Fargo, singing with two wonderful friends, picking apples come autumn at grandma and grandpa's, the freezing retreat with my youth group in February, sitting in the theater at midnight with some of my best friends, buying my camera at MOA with my mom, all the many coffee dates with sweet drinks and sweeter friends, going to the zoo with my whole family, and all of the wonderful people I was blessed to come alongside and take photos for.
And so, it's a little bittersweet, partially because nostalgia is my second language, but I'm ready to say goodbye to 2012 and welcome 2013. And with that comes resolutions, goals, and dreams for the new year.
My heart for 2013 is to love and know God deeper, to love others like Jesus (extravagantly, unconditionally, intentionally) and to bless people. I have goals and dreams, but those are the three things I want to focus on. Not in a sense of a checklist, but just where I want my heart to be.
This year, my word was Be. And it was something that I needed to focus on, needed to remind myself of, almost daily. I had such a difficult time finding a word for 2012, but 2013 has been impressed upon me for the past few months. In 2011, I mused on rooted. 2012, I mulled over Be. And in 2013 (ah! I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around that date!), my word is Steadfast.
Steadfast.
fixed in direction; firm in purpose, resolution, faith, attachment, etc., as a person: a steadfast friend. unwavering, as resolution, faith, adherence, etc.
I'm good at starting things, not so much at finishing things. This year, I want to truly be steadfast -- in my time, in my faith, in my relationships, in my art, in my words, in my life. I want to be known as someone who is dependable, and I want to be firm in purpose, unwavering in who I am and what I'm called to do. I want to be a woman who is steadfast. I pray that more and more, every day, my heart would be steadfast, firm in truth, fixed in direction, and consistent in purpose.
While I have a review of the year coming in the next few weeks, and some more specific goals for 2013, this is what has been on my heart and what today, as I sit here with a cup of tea and some cough drops, I really wanted to share. :) If you've made it this far, thank you for taking some time out of your day to read. And thank you so much to all of you who have followed along in 2012. I have been so blessed by all the kind comments and messages and encouraged and challenged by all of you.
So many blessings to you, dear friends, on 2013! Here's to hoping that it's a fuller, richer, and deeper year than you could have ever imagined.
Much love,
Hannah
some photos in this post taken by the lovely danae moran, janelle putrich, madeline hunt, kiley marissa, jessica shae, and allix b.
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