Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I want to live in vivid joy...

Where has the time gone?

It’s been almost a week since my last posting…and this is the first since. I’m not one of those people to set times and days and things to post, but I can recognize my lack of posting. Which is pretty apparent, so it’s not a surprise I can see it.

It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, it’s that I’m unsure how to say it. The idea forms in my head and gets stopped when it tries to go into words. The creativity is stopped at that point, and I’m left with a buildup of jumbled ideas and thoughts. Pretty soon, BOOM! It’s gotta burst sometime and then it’ll spill out, streaming from my brain. I’ll be stuck lying in the sticky goop of my own mind.

Okay, obviously, not really, but that’s how it feels like.

There are times when my mind feels so cloudy. It’s like I am unable to produce anything—I am unable to create, so I sit waiting numbly. My creativity seems to have slowly dripped away, until I’m left with nothing but the sticky residue, sitting idly.

This is one of those times. I’m sitting here, putting my fingers on the keys, and hoping that something will come out other than terrible analogies of sap and bursting thoughts. Score so far, analogies – 2, deep thoughts—0.

It’s not that I’m complaining. It’s just a time of grayness. I want those vivid colors, baby! I want to be able to see beyond things, and hear what I would not have before, and feel and think deeper—I want to be able to immerse myself in vividness and beauty, and be able to be a part of that beauty.

But I know why I can’t at the moment.

In times when you feel like you have no creativity, or when you’re stuck and you can’t figure something out, or you really just feel numb to everything—that means you need God.

I was going to write my “Are you Lethargic in your Walk with God?” post, but I realized that that’s exactly how I am. I need Jesus, and because I haven’t been diligently seeking, I’m feeling lethargic and numb.

I’ve let my walk with God go lax—other things have been taking the place of that number one spot in my life. School work, ballet, time with my family, lazy moments, and times spent reading or on my laptop—they’ve all crowded in an replaced that precious time that I need to have with God. That we need to have in order to be really living, and not just existing.

And that’s why I’ve been feeling stuck. Like I’m sitting here, trapped in my ideas, but I can’t pull myself free of them to put them into a cohesive piece. (analogies—3)

When we’re numb, that’s when we need Him. When we’re stuck, we have to turn to him. He’ll grasp our hands and pull us out of our sticky mess. As long as we turn to Him—as long as we submit to Him.

Because we have to submit to Him. When you give your life to Christ, it’s not just a onetime thing—that’s not enough. To quote my mom, “Faith is a day by day, moment by moment, sometimes breath by breath decision to look beyond the current reality and to cling to something greater.”

It’s an every day, every hour, every minute, every moment, every breath by breath faith that we have. Faith is belief without seeing. And it’s constant. It’s a constant battle against living by the world’s standards and beliefs, or submitting to God and living by His plans and His words.

If we don’t submit, we live in lethargy. We just exist—we don’t live. And we exist numb. We’ll be left sitting in those grays. And who wants that? With all the beauty and joy around us, we should be living in vivid colors.

It's all choosing whether to submit. Exist in gray lethargy, or live in vivid joy.

It's your choice. And it's every breath.

Does that mean that we will succeed at having a breath by breath faith? No. We're sinners who need God--and we cannot do it. But that doesn't mean we cannot try. That doesn't mean we cannot fight for it. I'd rather live and go down fighting, than be lazy and lethargic in the gray. (I've lost count of my analogies by now.)

Only one thing left to say...GO VIVID. ;-)


  1. I think this is your "Are you Lethargic in your walk with G-D?" post. Nothing speaks louder than experience and living it out. :)Great post

  2. Wonderful post, Hannah.

    I'm glad that you finally posted. I've watched you work through your struggles this past week, and I can truly say that I'm proud of you.

    Keep writing. I love how you dig deep.


  3. Ha! Even when you're not feeling creative, your posts turn out deep and beautiful! ^_^

    You're absolutely right--I always find myself sitting with a million thoughts going through my head, but nothing to write. It's frustrating, but then I realize that I got myself in that pit by not listening to the most important words-prompter in my life...JESUS!

    I don't know how we do's like we take the little things in our lives and totally drown out all of the miraculous light that Christ has infused in them. It's kind of an oxymoron. lol.

    Anyway...great post, and great motivation for the day. :) Thanks!

  4. Ah that sounds totally like me! I've really got to get back to living for Him fully and not let others thing get in the way. :) Not to mention I seriously need to blog sometime soon. ;) Anywayz wonderful post, I needed to read it.


  5. I just want to say 'WHATEVER!'
    Your posts are always deep.
    Awesome deep post, Hannah! You are a creative and brilliant person!

  6. Hannah,

    What an amazing post! I have noticed in my life that dance, school, projects, computer, and reading have all seemed to take a place in my life and limited my time with God. I have even stopped and thought, "I didn't get to read my Bible today...oops." And one time I didn't get to it for a week.


  7. Hannie,

    Just remember that you don't only need God when you are down in the dumps and lethargic. You need him always! You need him for those unbelievably creative moments (because let's face it; who made you creative?) and you also need him for the tough times. It's important to remember his love for you and his guidance in your life no matter what the circumstances! And, to go with your sticky analogies my dear niece, also remember too that you were stuck in your sins, completely stuck, and there was no way that you could get out. As Colossians 2:13-14 states, "When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross." God found you and pulled you out. Not because you were better than others or because you chose him, but because he had mercy and compassion and love for you. Remember that God chose you! He sent his son to the cross just for our sins! Therefore, our response is the only thing that we can give; to love him for his grace and thank and praise him everyday!

    Your Auntie Abby

  8. Oh, I know how that feels when you don't have inspiration! The greyness, lethargy, all that stuff. I constantly have to remind myself that the source of my creativity is God himself - so therefore I ought to spend as much time with Him as I can!

    And btw I love all the analogies you used. ;) Aren't they fun to come up with?


  9. I just have to say that reading Aunt Abby's response has made me miss my sister (your Aunt) even more. What words of truth Abby!


  10. I'm so glad your posting again! Great post! (The picture is so awesome!)

  11. Wow, this is such a wonderful post, Hannah! Thanks so much for the reminder to go to God... I really needed to read this!

    ~ Love,

    "In Christ alone my hope is found
    He is my light, my strength, my song."

  12. Oh, by the last've got some great thoughts spinning around right now. I can hardly wait to see them on paper...oh, I mean, screen.

    Love ya!

  13. "I want those vivid colors, baby!" *laughs* Awesome post, Hannah. You should start your "Are you feeling lethargic in your walk with God" series while you're on a roll. It's hard sometimes to want to keep driving deeper into what God wants from us and has to say in his word. I struggle all the time with the lack of desire to go deeper into God, but I just have to tell myself, even if you don't feel like doing it on a few days, you're going to do it.
    Great post,

  14. you rock! i'm your newest follower. you are wiser beyond your years... i'm so impressed by you. i loved this post. thank God for His grace and strength that helps us strive to finish the race well! i can't wait to keep up with your life. : )

  15. I awarded you!

  16. See? You inspired me to blog today, Miss Hannah. Thanks.

    Did I ever tell you how blessed I am to be your mom? :)

  17. To echo some other thoughts I've been seeing Hannah, this seems the best way I could think of to start a series called, “Are you Lethargic in your Walk with God?” It's personal, and I think it's something everyone can identify with. The great thing about being saved by Christ (among many others!) is that we know the sweetness of fellowship with God, so we're able to recognize when we fall short and "numb out" in our relationship with Him, and we can take action against that.

    And who says analogies aren't deep thoughts? =)


    Hebrews 12:1-3

    Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
    Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.

  18. Ah, Hannah. You are even inspiring when you aren't trying to be. Thanks you, for writing for us.

  19. Thanks for posting is exactly what I've been feeling lately too! I've become way too distracted (actually by the exact same things you say you, ballet, family/friends, being lazy, etc), and just today I was thinking about how I really need to get back on track. I'd especially like to since Easter is's a always a wonderful time for a new beginning.

  20. go vivid.

    It's our new phrase.

    Thanks, Hannah. :)

  21. You're not at all alone in this. Fighting with that numbness is one of my greatest struggles. Thank you for the encouraging and inspiring post. When we get to feeling all numb we must do exactly what you're doing- going to God and keep pressing on!

    :) With love, from a fellow daughter of the KING.