dear sam,

I don't know how to write this. You officially turned two on Sunday, and I'm a little overwhelmed by that.

How can you be two already? I remember the day you were born, when we all awaited anxiously for the phone call telling us of your birth. Telling us of you. We didn't know your name until daddy called at 3:16 in the afternoon. Samuel Josiah.

They gave you a good name.

I remember when you were only a few months old, and had a long, funny tuft of hair on your forehead. We were afraid you'd lose all your hair, because you had a little bald spot on the back of your head from rubbing. Like a little monk. You were such a cutie, with your chubby face and little toes.

I remember the day you swallowed the sequin, and how scared I was. You were so little and I was so terrified that we were going to lose you. To have you for such a short time and then to have you no more would have been unbearably hard. But God had big plans for you! I was never more relieved when I heard you were okay. As soon as you got home, we all crowded around you and cuddled and kissed you and cried.

And then in January. The day you went to the hospital. But it had been months before that full of worry. There was something wrong with your stomach. You couldn't eat. You were always sick and tired. There was always pain in your eyes. It hurt my heart to see you not feeling good. And it scared me sick when you went into the hospital. For a second time in your short life, I was afraid we were going to lose you. Not again, I thought.

Those next couple of weeks were the hardest I've ever experienced. Mom and you were gone at the hospital for a couple days, then you came home and were back in and out of that place for several weeks. I tried my best to run the household but it was hard to pretend everything was okay when the little ones asked why you and mom weren't home. I couldn't pretend. But I didn't know. That was the hardest part, the not knowing.

When we found out you had Celiac, Sam, our world was rocked silly and knocked upside down. I was terrified of what it was, terrified of the implications, and terrified for you. There were so many hard changes and difficult choices. It's a long journey that we're still walking along. But you're better now. You're healthy and growing and thriving.

Like I said before, the Lord has big plans for your life, and these trials and hardships are preparing you for something greater. You've been blessed and have blessed our family so much, sweet Sam. I don't know what we would do without you.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love you, Samuel, and am so proud of you. I love the way when you laugh your whole body shakes because you're overcome. I love the way your blue eyes smile and your cheeks dimple and you pretend to be shy. I love your roars and your love of john deere and the way you say "me gwooten-fwee!" I love your heart and I love you, sweet Samuel!

And so today, I'm praising God for you. For your life.

You're my absolute favorite Sam ever. Hugs and kisses and so much thankfulness.

Love,
Hannah