Saturday, August 15, 2009

Frayed Ribbons

A box lay untouched on her closet floor. It had been undisturbed for so many long years, that she had almost forgotten.
But now she needed it, she needed it as something to give to herself. If nothing more than a fond memory.

She sat down on her bed and lifted the lid from the cardboard box, smiling faintly.
Inside, lay many pairs of ballet shoes, worn from wear. Her wrinkled fingers stroked the frayed ribbons of one and she closed her eyes, remembering.

She remembered when she had gotten her first pair of ballet shoes, how excited she was at the tender age of six.

She had gotten her second pair on her tenth birthday, as a present because her other shoes were too small. She chuckled as she saw the brown stain on them, because she had not taken them off during her party, and as a result they were stained with coffee.

The third pair was the most special to her, she had first gotten her pointe shoes when she was only a girl of fourteen. A young wisp of a thing with big hopes and bigger dreams.

The rest of the memories blurred and she paused to let what was left of them sink in. For now it seemed as if they were mere rags of the past, frayed ribbons that held nothing, unless you could see past the thread and into the soul. She glanced at them once more, then shut the lid to the box, enclosing the memories within them.

Until they were needed again.


Written for Writing on the Weekends.

Writing on the Weekends 2



Yes, I know, it's a terrible short story, but I didn't have time to fix it. :P

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9 comments :

  1. Hey Hannah, would you like to enter that story in my Writing Contest on HorseFeathers? You don't need the blog makeover (far from it!) but hey. Just a thought, because it's good! =)

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  2. Hannah,
    That was lovely! I think the best part was when she stroked the ribbons and closed her eyes; remembering the past and all the dreams and things the slippers symbolized for her.

    Your right in thinking that it needs a little work. Mostly in the descriptions about the different pairs of ballet slippers and the things that went on as she wore each pair. But, it doesn't need quite so much work as you may think! :) It really only needs more added to it.

    You have a lot of raw talent. While I couldn't see the girl herself (because you hadn't included that yet.) it didn't really even feel necessary right then as I read, because the image of a girl sitting in front of a box of memories with ballet shoes and frayed ribbons was breathtaking to me. I think it is a great example of how important it is as a writer to be able to describe a picture/scene so well, that you don't miss any of the things it is missing. You honed in on one exact thought and feeling.

    While I would have loved to know more about this girl; what her life was currently like, what her surroundings were, her looks, etc. The content already included was wonderful!

    I wished you had written more to read! The only thing I would say is go even deeper with it and correct the things you feel need to be edited. Other than that, excellent work! Keep it up!

    -Jessica

    P.S.
    Thanks for doing this weeks writing prompt!

    Note: I just realized that you didn't include the girl's name. That's a good thing. Not that we don't know her name, but that that wasn't the first thing I noticed. It means that you imagery was so strong, I didn't even miss it in my first read through. lol!

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  3. Actually, I really liked it :) I think there's a lot of potential in the short story and I love the whole reminiscing feel of it. But I do think it would be better if you used some stronger, more powerful verbs and perhaps a little more description. It's just a suggestion, though :)
    Anyway, great story! I really loved one of the last lines... "For now it seemed as if they were mere rags from the past, frayed ribbons that held nothing, unless you could see past the thread and into its soul." Wow, Hannah, that sentence is SO powerful and amazing! Great job :)

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  4. Wow that was beautiful! You really made me feel like I was the one looking in the box of memories. Great job!

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  5. HANNAH! It wasn't awful! I was AMAZING!
    You are such an amazing writer! This is really this first this I have read of yours, besides just little snippets that you edited from my story.
    You description was really good, although it could use more. But there is no doubt in my mind that that will be hard for you. :D
    I think you should add on to the story, you know make it a little longer.
    You should defiantly NEVER EVER stop writing! The world would be deprived! ^_^

    love, your friend,
    ~Marissa

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  6. That was pretty good! :D

    Abby

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  7. Aw! This is a tender story. Are you going to post more of it, or that's all?

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