When we win, and when we lose

Today has been a whirlwind of a day. Voice gets better, voice gets worse. Voice gets better, voice gets worse. Voice gets better, voice gets worse...and so on.

At the moment, my voice is better, but I don't think that I'll be able to sing. That's just from right now. God could work a miracle tomorrow morning, but He already has.

It's more of a miracle for me. I was feeling so anguished about not being able to sing, and I was just in a lot of emotional pain. I was in tears and down in my room, just talking to God and trying to find that peace that I needed. That's when that line from Facing the Giants came to me--right after they lost the big game, when they're super down and upset and angry. Their coach tells them to stop kicking themselves, and that they played a good game, and then one of the players speaks up.

"Coach is right guys. When we win, we praise Him. When we lose, we praise Him."

And that's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm doing. I may not have my voice, but I can praise Him. I may not be able to sing, but I'm gonna praise Him. He is mighty, and powerful, and just, and holy, and loving, and PERFECT--and I will praise Him.

I gave it my all--on the rehearsal, I had a blast. It was a huge blessing and I was just filled with this joy and life and vividness. I couldn't wait for Sunday. And these past few days, I've been keeping quiet and doing pretty much everything that I can to regain my voice. But I still don't have it. And I'm beginning to realize that it's okay, and maybe even a blessing.

I am still in pain. I love singing in church, and I was so excited for Sunday. The song that we were singing was something special, and I began to feel like we could use it to impact someone. It's hard to know that I probably won't be able to sing. It's hard to know that I won't get to proclaim that truth through song--that He is RISEN. But it's not about me. Even if I don't sing, it doesn't matter. God will use something else--it just wasn't my time at the moment.  Maybe, just maybe, God will use my lack of voice in the most surprising of ways.

And even though I'm in pain, I do feel this peace. I'm realizing that this is part of His plan and that somehow, it's all for the best. Even if I can't completely see it right now.

I will keep praising Him though--voice or not.


I would still appreciate your prayers--they mean a great deal to me.

Still waiting and a Prayer Request

The fixing part of my laptop is taking a little longer than we thought, sooo...I probably won't be posting about Four tonight...but, hey, now you have something to look forward to this weekend, right? ;-)

Also, I would really appreciate it if you'd all pray for me. On Sunday, Seth and I are going to be singing in church. Thursday, we had a practice (which I gotta tell you, was amazing)...but today I ended up partially losing my voice. I've been resting--not talking at all/the bare minimum)--and drinking lots of fluids. But prayer is something that I would be so grateful of right now.

We're gonna be singing I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin, and I've been really praying that when we sing, we'll have God work through us. But I need to actually be able to sing....so I've been praying for that now too. Then my mom suggested I put something up here, asking for prayer, so I am. I can't tell you how blessed I'd feel if you'd all pray for me right now.

And I will rise, on eagle's wings, before my God, fall on my knees...

What rhymes with samspurring, Sneekie-Peekie at FOUR, that's right, I'm TWEETING! and I'm gonna "nudge" you over to my momma's blog...

Wanna know what I've been doing for the past few hours?

I'll give you a hint...it starts with a "t" and ends in a "ing"

...

Still don't have it? Let me put your mind at ease...it rhymes with "hamsmirring" and "ranlirring"

Okay. I'll tell you...

...Transferring. (see how it rhymes?...somewhat?)

For the past hour or so, I've been transferring all of my files off of my laptop and onto my dads. Long story short, there's a bug in some software on my computer, and to get it fixed, we gotta wipe out the entire hardrive.

So, I mean, I could just erase all of my files, right? It would be less time consuming and hey, who cares about pictures like this

or this

Elijah...acting goofy. He felt the need to be a baby again, despite the fact that he'll be three in August. Is it because we were AWWing him? Or did he really need an excuse to take a nap? I'm going to go with the former...considering he's a cute little ham. ;-)

Okay, I care about pictures like this. That's why I took the time to go through and transfer alllllll of my files. Aren't you proud of me? No? Well, you should be. I need a little sympathy here! Come on now bloggie friend--where is my support group? Isn't that what this is??

Aspire - Celebrating Beauty. Living Vivid. Complete with Support Group.

Okay, getting a little silly here. I'm thinking it's the lateness...and a strong craving for something funny. One good thing about transferring these files is that it gives me an excuse to stay up and write a post. Hee hee...

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Okay, so you probably all remember the blog giveaway I just had. Based on the positive feedback, I thought, why not do another?

Soooo...I did...but not quite...

...you'll see tomorrow! ;-)

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Just as the title says, I'm TWEETING. I haven't put up one of those cute little buttons that says "Follow me!" or "Tweet me!" yet, but I will...as soon as I find one that's REALLY cute.

Until then...I'd like to give you all a nudge (more like a SHOVE) over to my twitter to click the follow button.

Oh? Did I say that on here? Yes, yes I did.

After all, follow me here, I'd love to have you follow me there. ;-)

LINK

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Lastly, I'm gonna give you another "nudge" over to my Momma's blog...she wrote a post today that I know you're gonna love.

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NOTE: I won't be updating about the FOUR till tomorrow night...because I'll get my computer back then, and it'll take me awhile to re-transfer all my files.

Wait. Re-transfer? 
MORE transferring?
Oh no....here we go again....

It's time to LIVE real and wholly and COMPLETE.

I was prompted by a post of Ab’s, to open my Bible after a long period of negligence. Negligence—time that I used in other ways. Instead of putting God first and foremost in my life, and dedicating my time to Him, I stuck Him on the shelf. It was always, “I have to do this and this and this, and then I can read my Bible and pray.” By that time, there was no time. I always managed to evade those precious moments.

Was it because I was afraid? Yes. Partially. The truth is, I didn’t want to submit to Him. It sounds funny, but I didn’t want to let Him work through me. If I submitted, that would mean that my life would change, and I didn’t want that change. It meant that I would become a part of Him, and in dedicating my life to Him, I would change. I would be different—I’d become a new person in Christ.

And that was scary to me. To throw away the old and put on the new. To embrace His plan and reject my own. To let go of what I want and instead, follow His path.

I didn’t want to. I fought against it for months. Yes, I’m a Christian, or at least I called myself one. There was no spark, no vividness. There was just numbness and coldness and tightness. Stretched and pulled taught, so close to snapping, so close to breaking.

I was just sitting there on that fence, waiting there and not doing anything. Staring longingly at those seemingly elusive fields and wanting to sink my toes into that rich grass. There wasn’t anything I could do about it—right? How could I just lower myself off of that fence? How could I just let myself go and dance in that wheat, feeling the wind on my face and the chirping of crickets…

There wasn’t any way that I could submit—could there be? I had barred myself from Him. I had filled my mind with Satan’s lies, “Oh, you don’t really believe. You can’t submit. Even if you do submit, you still won’t.” These lies plagued me, poisoned me—numbed me. They kept me on that fence and made me stay there. I couldn’t leave and let myself dance in those fields. I was stuck solid on the fence of disbelief and fear.

But that’s when I decided I was finally done with that sitting. I wanted to get up and MOVE.

I’ve had that revelation several times. “This will be it! This will be the time that I’ll get up and go! I won’t be passive—I’ll submit! I live completely and utterly for God.” But I’ve failed. I haven’t followed through. Truthfully, because I haven’t wanted to follow through. Okay, that’s not true. I HAVE wanted to follow through, but a part of me has barred me from that.

That same part that’s told me I’m not good enough to be a child of God, and that I’ll never be able to dance with Jesus—that’s the same part that kept me from submitting and following through. That’s the same part that told me there was no way that I could really become a follower of Jesus.

And today was the day to let that part GO. I read my bible. I prayed. And finally, I prayed that God would take that burden (and several others). I prayed that God would take things I’ve been struggling with, fears I’ve been having, doubts that have been plaguing me—I prayed that He’d take them from me. I didn’t need those burdens anymore—I didn’t need those fears, or doubts, or pains. I didn’t need those lies. I just needed Him.

It’s not a one time thing. There will be days that I’ll struggle. There will be times I’ll almost give up—times that I’ll just want to hold on to those burdens. But I’ll keep going. I'll keep praying. I'll keep letting go. I’ll keep fighting. This is my time to live vividly. This is my time to dance. This is my time to get off that fence and MOVE. Even if it means change. Even if it means becoming new. This is my time to become REAL and WHOLE and complete.

This is my time. And it’s now.

I won't let myself be held back by Satan's lies anymore. There is no more on the fence--there is no more sitting. It's time to get up and do something. It's my time to live--to live deeply and truly and wholly.

I've let go and I'll keep letting go. I'll keep praying to Him. I'll keep submitting--even if it's painful; even if I don't want to. It's continuous--it's every day--it's always. But it's real--that's what faith is. It's a continuous choice to KEEP believing. And I'll keep going. I'll keep believing.

I am FREE in Him. I am FREE to run, and to dance, and to LIVE.

Vividly.

iheartfaces Photography Challenge...Dramatic B&W

I've never done this before, buuuut...I had nothing to post about and I really wanted to post....soooo....I entered into the iheartfaces photography challenge. (this being my first time doing it too.)

The theme this week? Dramatic B&W....mmmm....can you say yummy? (the black and white, that is.)

My beautiful brother sam. I <3 my family.

SURPRISE! Click on over to see.....

See what's the surprise? (hint...you have to actually click onto my blog to see). Wellll? That's right. I did it. I re-designed my blog...again.

Okay, let me explain. I just recently (only a few weeks ago, really) redid my blog. And I was happy with it. I thought it was nice, and I liked the colors and layout.

But lately, I'd been looking at my blog and feeling like it was really....I don't know...heavy? It just felt like it was thick...and heavy...and thick...and heavy...and thick...and you get the picture. I was tired of that deep, dark, heaviness. It just wasn't light or refreshing - and not at all vivid. And especially after writing my Vivid post, I wanted something VIVID. Something full of life, and color, and energy, yet very clean.

Soo...I sat down at my laptop and opened up photoshop (and later dreamweaver) and this is what I came up with. To me, it feels a lot cleaner, a lot fresher, a lot simpler, and a lot more VIVID. Which was the goal.

What do you think? I know that I've changed my blog design sooo many times, but I think this one's gonna stay for awhile.

Scratch the think; I know it will. ;-)

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Also, the ECS series will be starting up very soon. I've revamped it a bit, and I'll post about it tomoooorow...

Winners of the Blog Button Giveaway!.....

Wanna know who won the giveaway? I tirelessly got up at six this morning to tally up all the votes...just kidding. (I did get up at six, but that's been a norm this week.)

Soo...including all the extra votes added, there were 59 in all...30 people entered in total. (I know, I know, I'm just stalling.)

(Picture of the votes was taken by my web cam...hence the quality. If you look closely, the winners names are circled.)

Okay, okay, I'll tell you who won. ;-)

The Winners are....

Elyse Martin and ♥Warriors101♥

Congrats to you both--and thanks to all who entered! You can email me at elvishauthoress [at] gmail [dot] com to talk about all the design stuff. 

Who thought this was fun? (okay, I admit it, I did. It was kinda exciting to look up the winners and all. ^_^) Maybe in the future I'll do something like this again...whaddya think? ;-)