Life's been going fast....swirling around and around...

Slow down, everyone. You're moving too fast. Jack Johnson

Life has been so crazy lately...March always seems that way. It's gross out, as all the snow is melting into a slushy mess, and there seems to be so much to get done. Homework that is unfinished. Rooms that need cleaning. Siblings that need something. Places to go, things to do. Yadda yadda yadda...

And it's been so easy to just get caught in that. When you just get right in the middle of this spinning, spinning, spinning whirlwind that we call craziness...and life.

But that's not how life is always. What happened to sitting around and smelling the roses? What happened to just enjoying life?

Where on earth did our rest go?

We lost our rest. In the midst of chaos and to-do lists. Not that getting things done is bad, but when you only focus on what's next, you miss out on moments like this.



I love how Eli and Sam are nestled in with Momma...

That's why its important to have time to breathe.


And drink coffee. That's always good too. ;-)

There's my equivalent of a post today. Nothing deep or anything. Just breathing room. Sorta. ^_^

EDIT: I was really touched by the comments on my post below--a BIG 'ol hug to all of you! :-)

What do you want to be when you grow up?

This is a question that you have at least heard once in your life. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Usually, if we're young, we answer with a simple, "Oh, I want to be a doctor." or, "I'm going to be policeman." or, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a ballerina." The particularly young sometimes answer with especially innocent answers, such as "I want to be a daddy," or "I want to be a princess."

But as we begin to grow older, the thought of what we want to be often baffles us. When asked the question, we can only respond lamely with, "Oh, I'm not sure yet." Those asking the question will smile and offer some advice, or encouragement, and then we're left alone with the uncertainty of the path ahead, more confused and unsure than before.

Because truthfully, how do we know what we want to be? Can we really count our dreams as the fuel for the future? How can we be sure as to what is the right path to take?

That is the biggest thing. How do we know that what we hope and dream for, and who we want to become - how do we know that that's the right way to go? Are all of our ambitions and wishes to come to naught? Do they really even matter?

Faced with this, we lose all sight of what we could become. "Oh, but I'm not good enough to become this." or "I'll never be able to be like that, so why even try?" When faced with the fear of inadequacy, we balk and shy away from the possible future. If it's an impossible dream, why even hope, much less try?

But how do we know what is impossible? Where is the line between reality and fantasy when it comes to life?

How can we be sure that what we're on is the right track?

When confronting this, we are wishy-washy with decisions. "Maybe I should have done this," we think, or "Was that the right choice?" We doubt our ability to clearly and concisely choose between the right or the wrong. Everything becomes horribly gray, instead of the black and white; gone is the clarity, and in comes blurriness.

We have all faced this at one time or another. The future can be scary--the fear of the unknown cripples people to such a degree that they cannot, and will not, move. Anything new is frightening--anything unknown is to be steered away from.

The many paths that we will take in our lives are like flickering candles. A gust of wind comes and one goes out--the flame cannot live. We are left with the other ones. We are left trying to find which candle to hold, to cherish. Which candle is the one to choose? Which path shall we take? Which road is the right one?

Where are our lives leading us?

We don't know. We won't ever know completely. And that's what scares people. That's what cripples them with fear to such a degree that they are unable to move ahead--to move forward.

But He knows.

Jeremiah 29:11 says:

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

For I know the plans I have for you. He knows what He has planned out--He knows. His plans are not to harm you--but to prosper you. They are plans that are given especially to you--uniquely created for you, and your life. They are plans to give you hope. They are plans to give you life. They are plans to give you a future.

God will not abandon you. He will be with you as you learn who you are, and are to be. He will be with you no matter what--He knows the plans for you.

Gone is the fear of the unknown. We can throw off the cloak of uncertainty and embrace the future--embrace what is coming. We have nothing to fear--God knows the plans for our lives. He planned it all out--He has it all ready. We just need to embrace that.

He knows what we will do. He knows where we will go. He knows who we will become.

He knows.

When asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?" We can now respond. "I'm going to be who God created me as--who that is, I'm still learning. Maybe I'll be an artist--or perhaps an author. I don't know, but I'm following His path. I will be who I am."

After all, that's the best person to become. ;-)

Ready for some Blog Party Fun--I'm joining up!

Joining Ab's Blog Party--head over to link up, too! :)

1. What's your favorite time of the day, and why?

I LOVE the early morning--when I still have the whole day ahead of me and I'm just enjoying the brisk chill that comes from the dawn. If I'm the only one up, it's quiet, and sooo peaceful.

2. If health wasn't an issue, what food could you live off of?

Lindt truffles. They are one of the best chocolates ever--the blue and black are the best. Literally, they melt in your mouth....mmm...now I'm craving them.

3. If you could have one wish granted (besides wishing for more wishes), what would it be?

One wish--that would be to have a canon rebel xti. I'm longing for a camera--I love my digital, but nothing beats the real thing. ;)

4. What's one thing that you get teased about a lot?

My ability and unrelenting dedication (actually, just my continuation of the so called ability) to call out and name fonts. As well as critiquing them and critiquing the use. I've had many conversations with people telling me to please be quiet, and that they don't care about the font. I'll still hold firm that that was an illegal usage of Rockwell--you NEVER use italics with a font that bold. ^_^

5. If you could choose one movie, book, or TV show to spend your life in, which would you pick? What type of character would you be?

I was originally gonna say Lord of the Rings (HELLO, beautiful!) but then it hit me what that entailed. The elves are all gone, basically. The land is ravaged from Sauron's reign, there might be a few stray orcs...etc...etc...it's too risky. So then, I think I'll go for Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen. Okay, let me clarify, I am NOT a big Jane Austen fan, but I LOVE that era, and the movies are good. Hee hee...;)

6. If you could have one talent that you don't already have, what would it be?

Mmmm...one talent...oh, I'd love to be able to be a ballerina (have you ever noticed how that name sounds SO girly?). I know. I dance ballet. But it's not my natural talent--to be able to dance beautifully...ah...that would be amazing. (btw...what you're seeing above is INCREDIBLY difficult--the left I can't even do, and the right is insanely hard. Doesn't look that way, huh? Pointe kills my toes. 'Nuff said.)

7.If money were no object, where would you go on vacation?

Italy. My mom and dad both learned Italian in college and both want to go there. That longing to be there was passed down to me...*sighs* I'll make it someday--that's right. When I'm famous because of something or other, I'll go there. And then I'll blog about it. ^_^

8. If you were an awesome singer, which genre would you sing?

Oh, Big Band all the way, baby! I LOVE Big Band--some of the best music ever. If I could sing it, I would, believe me. (THAT'S what I'll be famous of--then I'll go to Italy and sing Big Band in Italian! ^_^)

9. If you could have a $10,000 shopping spree to one store, what would it be?

Best Buy. Laptops, Cameras, Tablets (I'm thinking...?), COMPUTER STUFF GALORE. Mmm...my kind of store.

10. If you could live in any point in time, when would it be?

Any time before now would be without electricity. Can't you just hear that echoing ominously. Noooo....Electriciiiiiiiiiiiiiiity.....Nooooooooooo.....Electriciiiiiiiiiiiiiiity.......
But if I had to get past that, then I'd be in the Pride & Prejudice time. The late 1700s. SUCH a romantic period...providing you were rich.....and I don't think that Big Band would be acceptable there...

11. If every outfit in your wardrobe had to be one color, what would it be?

BLUE. Think jeans. And Cute shirts. I love blue.

12. If you were one of the seven dwarves, which one would you be?
(Doc, Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Bashful, Happy, or Dopey)

I'm gonna have to say a cross between eccentric Doc and Grumpy. Yes, Grumpy. =P

13. What's the last album you listened to?

Switchfoot's "Hello Hurricane". AH! I LOVE Switchfoot. Your Love is a Song is one of the BEST songs EVER.

14. What's something we'd be surprised to know about you?

Welll....considering I've told you all a lot....I'll throw out a few random things. In case you don't know, I have six younger siblings, I sometimes write poetry, I am a John Howe art lover, I LOVE music, and I am double-jointed in my right toes. Hm? Yes. I know. Call me odd. I had a doctor call me "a classic".

I guess I'm a classic. ;)

That was fun! Head over and link up! :)

I'm just gonna say AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After two years of working, saving, and waiting, I've finally been able to buy my laptop. I know. Isn't that exciting? I flipped out today.

AND...(here's the biggie) I got adobe's photoshop cs4, and dreamweaver cs4 with it.

Aren't you just screaming along with me?

Now to offer you a pic of my beautiful new laptop's desktop...

Isn't it gorgeous? Nice big 17 in. screen gives me a beautiful picture...it'll be interesting looking at all of your blogs now.

Off to transfer all of my files to my laptop now.

It's so nice to say that. ;)

Just wanted to give you all a BIG thank you! :)

First off, I want to thank you for the lovely comments on my previous post. I was deeply and truly touched, and I am so blessed by each and every one of you. You made my day. (days, really, considering that that post has been up since Monday.)

As I said previously, those precious things in life are what stick with us--what really matter. Those are what we remember, and what we cherish. The simplest of things can be our most valued memory.

Which is why I'm trying to look at the little things.

So often in life, we are bombarded by the bigger picture--the small things and quiet moments of the day are pushed aside as we embrace the future and look towards whats ahead. The bigger, the brighter, the better. But living life in the sense of a fast-food drive, where we only move ahead to get what's waiting for us, that's something that is unhealthy for us. (see the correlation between the fast-food and this? ;)

If we only live for what's coming, then we are missing out on fundamental pieces of our lives. However, I'm not necessarily saying you shouldn't live like that.

What I'm saying is, you can't only live for that.

The smaller, precious, quiet moments in life are times we should take out of our schedules--they are times we should enjoy. They are moments that can give us peace, or joy, or happiness. A bit of laughter, a smile, love.

Those are moments to live for.

There are times in our lives when we need to slow down and reflect on God and His Word. These are the moments in which we can be touched. There are times when we need to sit down and play with some little kids. Believe me, the things that they say and do can relieve so much stress and help you to laugh again.

And then there are times just to sit and wonder.

When you take a moment to do some random act of kindness--talk with someone, exchange a laugh, a smile--those are things that stick with people. These are things that you can cherish and remember.


This has been a somewhat rambling post, but I'm fairly exhausted at the moment. I just really wanted to let you all know that you've touched my life.

So thank you. :)

Tying his shoes >> My road to healing

On December 19th 2005, I found out that my dad had cancer. I was nine years old. I don't remember much about the time, except that it was hard, and I was scared. Always scared--mainly for me and for my dad. Life without him was something that I could not even comprehend, nor did I want to. Every time a moment of peace would come to me, I would be presented with that harsh reality of him being gone.

Gone is such a sad word. It's that moment when you know that life cannot ever return to how it was--the moment when life is suspended and you realize that the path you were on cannot carry you anymore.

Gone means change--it means you must be renewed. Life will be different--no matter what the outcome, the pages from then on would have a different cadence, marked differently because of the events beforehand. It means that you must adapt, you must change. It means that you will have to learn to live again.

Learning to live again is a path that I've been taking ever since my dad was diagnosed. It means trusting in the Lord--completely. There is no side-path, no quick route. It's a long and hard journey, but it's what needs to be taken in order for life to continue--in order for life to have meaning. Putting our complete faith in Him is a path that requires perseverance, trust, and hope. Always hope.

But God is hope. And God is life.

I have very little memories from that difficult time, as I have shut most of them out. The fear that always lingered with me in that time is always present in those memories, and it's hard to have them resurface. For one quivery moment, I forget that that time was four years ago, and that I've been remade again. For one moment, I'm suspended in that time, and I feel afraid.

But I've realized that I must go back to them--I need to cleanse myself of all the fears and doubts that have haunted and plagued me since. No matter how painful they may be, I need to let them come, for that is the road to healing.


I'm crying as I write this, but I have a memory too poignant, too painful, and too beautiful that I can't let it disappear.

From the cancer treatments, my dad was too weak to reach over and tie his schoes. It hurt to see my dad in that much pain--it made me sob and feel weak. I hated seeing him unable to perform that task that, at any other time, would have required no effort, and no thought.

So I would tie his shoes for him.

I remember him asking me as he was sitting on the couch. His voice was tired and I felt my heart go out to him. I don't remember his words, but I remember he asked me to tie his shoes.

I hurried over and bent down. The laces were knotted and tight, and it took me some time to un-knot and loosen them so my dad could get his feet in. Then I gently tied them. They were big brown shoes with thick brownish-green laces.

I can still feel his hand in my hair as he whispered softly, lovingly, but sadly, "Thank you, Hannah. I love you." I would reach up and hug him, and tell him I loved him.

And this simple memory makes me cry. Because in that memory, all of my fears, all of my pain, all of my sadness, and all of my hope could be found in that simple act of tying his shoes. In that moment, God gave me the reason to change and to accept change. That was when I realized that no matter what happened, my life would be different. And in that simple moment, I found the strength to continue on--to live real and to live truly.

Because that is what makes life precious. Thinking back to those days of horrible fear and terrible pain, I feel scared again, and sad. I become that little nine-year old girl, searching for hope and for safety. And in that memory, I see why I changed.

My dear daddy was cancer free in March of 2006. I'll hear his laugh tonight and hug him--I'll cry as I see him. And as I write this post, it makes me remember how precious life really is. It gives me the reason to be strong, and to change. Because I could have lost him. Not forever, but my life on this earth would have been without my dad. I would not have him at my graduation day, or my wedding, or the birth of my children, or all those precious moments to come. Never again until Heaven would I be able to simply enjoy his company--to laugh, cry, or talk with him.

And that is why I am on my road to healing. Not because I lost him, but because I could have. My family has been so blessed that he is here today. Knowing that he could have died makes me cry and reminds me of me desperate need to cling to the Lord.

I am walking on this path of God's; going along on His journey. My road has been altered--it always will be--but I am not afraid. No matter what comes, that simple act of allowing and accepting change, and embracing faith in Him--that is what will sustain me. That is why, in Him, I am healed.

We can Live >> We are New

 

A forest of crayons, surrounding a treasure. Crayons as a fortress--a strong hold. 

Sinking crayons in goo. Warrior crayons, clustering around for a battle. 

Crayons. And play-doh.

I can only imagine what my brother was doing when he made this. A result of a highly creative mind and a little boy very prone to stories, especially those of valor and bravery. Let's stick some crayons in some play-doh, and we'll build a story off of that.

Because he most certainly had a story for these crayons. He is not one to make something without reason. There was some tale in his head, spinning itself and forming itself in the picture you see above. 

Oh, what to remember the thoughts of childhood!

Don't you ever wonder what you did back then? Why you did it? What you thought? What you dreamed about? What were your aspirations then? What were your motives? Why didn't you like that? What was your reason for wanting this? Were you so innocent as believed?

Who were you?

Do you ever wonder that?

As we grow older, hazy memories begin to formulate in our minds from childhood. (I'm talking from a baby to around eight, here.) An image sparks some memory that we can't quite find. A scent brings back something--something that eludes us. A sound, a touch, a taste of something--they all remind us of something.

And usually those somethings elude us.

In our pre-teen and teen years, we begin to find our identity--who we are. But don't you ever wonder who you were? Certainly we did not change completely--but in our transition from children to young adults, our childlike innocence is somehow lost. We begin to wonder more deeply about things, and we begin to question.

These are not the simple questions of "Why do we need water?" or "Why is the sky blue and not green?" These are the questions of "Who am I?" "Why was I made?" "Do I really know that God exists?"

Those questions are the ones that bring doubt, and fear, as we begin to ponder what we do not know, and the magnitude of that. How do we know that what we believe is true? Further more, how do we know what we believe? Is it really so simple as saying, "this is what I know to be true?"

Lost within the haze of this world, we are surrounded by lies from the enemy. Lies that serve to plague us and cause us anguish, and strife, and confusion. We are horribly trapped within assumed ideas and ideals and thoughts and reasons--and our identity begins to become conformed. We lose ourselves in the midst, and it seems as if we are caught in a whirlwind of never-ending horror.

Until the light of TRUTH shines in and calms the storm.

Who are you? You are a person made in GOD'S own image. You were created intricately and uniquely and lovingly. The God of the whole universe, who created the stars and can count them by name--He is the one who made you.

In Him, you have nothing to fear.

If you trust in His word and His truth, then you will be able to protect yourself from the enemy. If you believe in Him, you will be saved.

Isn't that amazing?

In His Word can be found answers to the questions. Hidden between the lines, contained with one word, one phrase. Doubt can be cleared if you look in the Word of God. In the bible, truth can be found if you search for it--pursue it. And in truth comes peace.

And he is peace.

That childlike innocence, once so cherished, so longed for, can be regained. But not the same. We can become more than we once were. Instead of doubt >> faith. Fear >> trust. Despair >> hope. Sorrow >> Joy.

Death >> Life.

We were born again in Him--we were made new again. Our sins were washed away--our stains removed. Our past can not haunt us, nor taint us, nor mark us, nor name us, for in Him, we are new. We are new creations--we are new beings--we are new. We have been washed with the blood of Christ--we have been cleansed by his love. We have been remade in His image. We have been born again.

We can rejoice in that peace--that assurance--that comes from trusting in Him, and giving our life to Him. We can be free of guilt, or hurt, or anger. We can let go of past pains, and become all that we were meant to.

In Him, we can truly Live.